Changing landscapes

view from an eastern kitchen window

The kitchen/eating area of our home is no doubt my favorite space in the whole house. And it's easy to know why. It's the view. With six windows and two sliding glass doors, we have nearly a panoramic view of our back yard. But these days the view is changing. We broke ground just nine days ago on the addition that, in a few months, will become my mother's new home. Mom will have her own apartment attached to our house. Everyone in our family is excited about it too. 

The landscape AND the landscaping is changing. Everyone in our family gets to see it, hear it, smell it and feel it. And I imagine each one of us will experience the changes in somewhat different ways. 

view from the west & basement walls of new addition

Mom and I had planned on taking a week long, road trip vacation beginning yesterday. We chose this particular week to be away since the framing and roofing and likely, the most noisy period of this home addition, would be taking place. We have cancelled our trip. My mom's brother, my Uncle Chuck, has been in the hospital with complications from COPD. He is now back in his home but he has needed us to coordinate home healthcare services for him. The landscape of his life is changing too.

I was around the house for the demolition of a good portion of our backyard. And it looks like I'll be around for the noisiest part of the building project. These things make me feel anxious. Uncle Chuck expresses feelings of anxiety about being back in his home and still short of breath.  I bet he'd gladly trade his anxiety for mine.

Are there changing landscapes in your life that bring on troubling feelings? 

How do you deal with change and/or the feelings that accompany them?

As a caregiver or a care-reciever, what are the most difficult changes you have encountered? Where did you find support?

I DROPPED THE BALL

No, I don't even think that I dropped it. I think I tossed it to the ground and kicked it away. I haven't been able to sort out all the feelings and experiences that have been filling my days...and weeks. So months have passed and I haven't fulfilled the promise that I made to myself to blog regularly. My spiritual practices have fallen to the wayside. I've had very little exercise. I haven't been practicing good self-care. In fact, I'd say my behavior often has looked more self-destructive...especially on those days that being kind to this body would have been the logical choice. Why is it that when I need it the most, I turn my back on that which, I know from past experience, can help me back out of the mire and darkness that my heart and soul is sinking in? What will it take to turn this behavior around? 

Do you know what I'm talking about? 

What do YOU do to "snap out of it"? 

How do YOU get yourself back into a rhythm that is more healthy and healing and anything less than harmful?  

Perfectly imperfect amnesia

I'm still working on this idea that I don't have to be perfect at everything I do...or ANYTHING I do for that matter. I think I'd forgotten that I never HAVE been perfect. I gave myself an assignment this past week to look for things, situations, objects, people that are imperfect...and to let these "speak" to me.

I love to pick up sea shells whenever I am fortunate enough to walk the beach. The beach in Hollywood, Florida is the one I have walked the most. There are loads of small shells which can be easily harvested from the North Beach shores there. Over the years I have become a shell snob of sorts. I may see a shell that catches my eye as I walk along. I will then pick it up and inspect it and, IF it isn't perfect and without defect, I will gently toss it back to the sand. However, this past winter, on three different occasions, I found small broken conch shells...and I kept them. I can not tell you why I had this brief change of behavior and heart. Neither can I tell you why that, since my return to Ohio in early April, these three imperfect shells have been conspicuously laying on my desk where I work and where I write. Hmmmm? Maybe I just forgot the reasons.

We have a tree in our back yard that I've loved since my husband and I planted it. It has curvy branches. It produces red berries in the fall and tiny flowers in the spring. Neither of us can recall what kind of tree it is or what it was about this tree that made us want it. I forget.  The tree is asymmetrical. Some might look at it and think that it is out of balance or needs the services of a good tree trimmer. I realized just today that the lopsidedness of this tree is the reason I love it so much. 

Last week, I was home one day with a sinus infection. I didn't bother doing my hair or putting on make up. I was home for the day. As I was enjoying a little quiet time the doorbell rang. I didn't answer it. I skulked away from any windows and basically hid until I could hear a car drive safely away. Didn't want ANYONE to see me without makeup...not friend, not foe. I had a really good chuckle when later I found a piece of tract literature stuck in the door. I guess someone who might want to save my soul might not care if I were well coiffed and perfectly made up.  Ahhhh, and then I remembered, I'm not perfect whether I'm perfectly made up or not. . . and I laughed at myself some more.

What are you like when you forget that you are not perfect?

Can you see the beauty and/or joy in being imperfect?

JUST DO IT!

It's the Nike slogan but noooo, I am NOT referring to any kind of encouragement to improve yourself athletically. In fact, I'm not speaking to you at all.

I can't BELIEVE that I haven't posted anything for THREE weeks. I made a commitment to myself. I'd blog at least once a week, more often if possible, was what I said. But then a week went by. Promise broken...even if only to myself...and the "shame game" began. Maybe you play it too??? It goes something like this: You agree to do something. You don't do it perfectly. You feel shame. Then you avoid doing that thing at all. 

STOP THE MADNESS MICHELLE! No one is perfect. There are no blog police. End the game and write something. 

That's the cry of my heart today. What's yours?

Crabs and Feng Shui

Sorry that I haven’t written sooner. I've been a little low on energy (chi) this week. There’s something about little health setbacks that really drag me down. You might say that I've had the crabs.

Speaking of chi: fourteen years ago when I designed and built our home, I used the principles of feng shui to guide me. Feng shui can be defined as the Chinese art of arranging space to achieve happiness, health and prosperity. Another definition I’ve read states that it is the Chinese art of living in harmony with your surroundings. My husband didn’t quite understand the language and reasoning I used as I chose shapes, colors, art, materials and accents throughout our home in order to produce harmony and positive energy (chi).

It was not by accident that my home office was decorated around the theme of water and is located in the career area of our home (according to the feng shui model). Originally my office was confined to a small corner of the room because it doubled as a guest bedroom. However, last year we redecorated, got rid of the bedroom furniture, and created a wonderfully spacious home office just for me.  I’ve painted the walls turquoise, filled jars with seashells, hung artwork depicting water, the ocean, and spiritual themes.  The room has quite the “beachy feel” with white wooden furniture and a Bahamian print recliner.  All the decisions and decorating regarding this room were made by me, that is, except one.

One day I decided I needed another piece of art to hang on the wall of my office.  My husband, John, was going with a friend to a flea market while visiting south Florida. I asked him to look for something “beachy” for me.  John had a successful shopping adventure and when I next saw him, he proudly presented me with his finding: a blue metal crab with a sign that read “CRABS gather here.” I wasn’t  really quite sure how to take that ???

tiny sand crab, hidden in plain sight

I was able  to spend time this week relaxing in my home office. I really love the feeling of this space.  As I read, reflected and relaxed in the recliner, my attention and gaze often rested upon the beachy art that John had bought me.  In spite of my mood and disposition, I chose to look at that crab and focus on it’s beachy-ness. You won't find any crabby-ness inside this office. I can hide those feelings in here. Or maybe it's the feng shui and chi that overcome those negative thoughts and feelings? If I could only get rid of the crabs when I step outside of these office walls…

Where do you go when you need to relax or release? Is there a place where you can safely be with your crabby-ness? Is there a place where you can safely let it go?

Dragonflies and fairies

A very peculiar thing happened to me this week. I stopped believing in fairies. 

Last week I stayed with my mother in her home after she had surgery. I spent 8 nights and days in her home. I fixed her meals, brought her medicine and water, stood by as she showered, and cleaned and dressed her incisions. It was such a blessing to have the time and ability to care for this wonderful lady, who over the 55+ years of my life, has been my caregiver time and time again. 

On several occasions during her week long recovery, while mom was napping, I would drive to my home to pick up a change of clothes or a book or perhaps a few ingredients for a meal that I was going to prepare back at mom's house. Each time I went home I couldn't help but notice that food was getting eaten and dishes were getting rinsed and loaded into the dishwasher. Not only THAT, but the dishwasher was getting run AND the dishes were getting back into the cabinets and drawers where they belong. I found myself wondering what little fairy had invaded my home in my absence. You can imagine my relief to know that my husband John, and nephew Dane, who also lives in our home, were not wasting away while I was caring for my mother. In fact, they were 

managing quite well.

No fairies. Just dishpan hands.

Mom is much better now and I've been able to return home. My husband and nephew seemed genuinely happy to have me back. The first night the guys told me not to worry about preparing dinner. They told me that they would have leftovers and were glad to reheat things for themselves. The fairy had trained John and Dane well. I had eaten with mom before leaving her for the day so I settled in for a short evening of television before retiring for the night. Imagine my dismay when upon arising in the morning, I found the kitchen sink full of dirty dishes and leftover food containers from the night before. No dishes were rinsed and loaded into the dishwasher. Guess what? Those dishes weren't going to get washed and returned to their rightful places in the cabinets and drawers either. That is, not unless... I was going to do it. 

No, I don't believe in fairies anymore.

Do you believe in fairies? Do you, like me, often expect what you want or need to magically happen? How can we help others to better care for US?